Adventurous Life

This past week has been really difficult. Deciding about an apartment, financial issues, exhaustion, difficult situations, miscommunications, and all in the midst of learning to live in a new country. Definitely glad it's Sunday and a new week begins. Throughout it all, God has been a gentle teacher. These are the lessons I learned this week. 1. Each day really is new every morning. Confession: I'm not really an optimist. I try, but it is a muscle that tends to atrophy. Sometimes I wake up not wanting to face the day because I know it will be just as trying as the day before. I don't often view the day as an opportunity for something new and different. After a really rough night this week, I woke up the next morning lighter for no reason at all. I realized that even though I still had to deal with the difficulties from the day before, this new day could be and would be different because the Lord's faithfulness and steadfast love hadn't changed. I have Him. Isn...

This is the story of how I became a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle... I grew up in a passive-aggressive home that would let the tension build and express the hurt, frustration, and disappointment in so many other ways rather than discuss the conflict and try to resolve it. As a result, I try to avoid conflict when  ever possible. I will deny there is an issue, push it off as long as possible, end it messily just so there won't be any more conflict, or try to find someone else to handle it. Any conflict (real or potential) emotionally and mentally drains me. I feel the tension even when the conflict does not involve me. If I have to face conflict, I physically struggle with an increased heart rate, shaky legs, and an upset stomach. Fortunately, there are those in my life who love me enough to help me grow in this area, but I continue to feel like a failure at the end of any conflict. I thought I always handled conflict wrong and everyone else did it right. Hopeless. When I saw on t...

Life lately has been frustrating and a little hurtful. Relationships aren't going the way I expected. Partner development seems to be stalling. My physical and spiritual lives are fluctuating. Loneliness is increasing. Some of this is due to life in transition, and I understand that, but I knew there was something else to what was going on--especially in my relationships. That's when I remembered another part of the training at MTI--being twanged by expectations. The training at MTI wasn't just for the adults. Children had their own program and they were taught the same lessons we were but at an age-appropriate level. On a few occasions, the children would join us for an object lesson and we would learn together. This post is about one of those lessons. Have you ever felt that jolt when your expectations didn't match up to reality? That is the twang of expectations. Picture your feelings as the nucleus of many factors orbiting on different axes around you: realty vs...

What are your thoughts about language learning? Does it excite you? Stress you out? Something you have to do to fulfill some requirement? The prospect of learning a language has always been exciting to me. In high school, I took an etymology course so I could learn a smattering of Latin. I switched programs in seminary so I could study Greek and Hebrew. If I could have one superpower in the world, I would want to be fluent in every language ever. I remember one of the first times I saw language acquisition in action. I was babysitting a 15-month-old and told him, "Adam, come here." He paused, looked at me, and you could see him beginning to understand what I said. He then walked over to me. I loved seeing him grow in comprehension and was grateful to witness this moment. Too late to flash the nerd alert? You can imagine how much I was looking forward to my training at MTI when I learned that part of it was on how to learn a language. I went expecting tips on how to get the ...

I am afraid of heights. I like the views but the possibility of plunging to my death? Not a big fan really. I like my railings, holding on tightly, and keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground. Right now, this fear is manifesting itself within my faith I am preparing to move to Austria to serve refugee children and their families. My trainings are all done, and I am focusing on developing a partnership team. My goal is to arrive in Europe by September so I can attend a conference later that month. While it is good to have a deadline to work toward, that deadline is not definite. If I miss the conference it will not be a huge setback. But, a living opportunity has come up which provides a a more definite deadline. There is a good apartment available for sublet beginning 05 September, and I have to decide about it this week. I am standing on a precipice and asked to jump. Do I jump with a "yes" to the apartment and trust God will bring in the necessary partners in time?...

Soaring high above the clouds A carefree bird sings aloud, "Here I am full of joy and free, To be as I was created to be." A shot rings out and a hunter growls: "You are too high, you must come low. How dare you leave us here below? How dare you fly up in the air? You have no business to be up there." Falling, falling to the ground The bird crumples without a sound. Shattered to pieces both heart and wing There are no more songs to sing. Careless words, a poison dart, Flightless bird, kept apart. These verbal wounds are fresh and deep. Only time will tell what scars she keeps. Only time will tell what scars I keep.

Have you ever sat down in a hot tub at the end of a long day? The water is warm, you turn on the jets, and the bubbles begin. This is where you want to be--relaxation seeping in, stress flowing out, and peace settling upon you. Soaking it in and letting it go. Ahhhhhhhh. Life feels like a spa tub sometimes. On the surface, everything looks placid, but there are currents underneath. The top of the water may be generally smooth accompanied by the shhhhh of tiny little bubbles popping everywhere, or it could be like mini geysers propelling water sprinkles all around the outside of the tub. Just as the flow and force of the water is determined by the jets, the levels of stress in my life is determined by factors and events that cause or expose my insecurities, which then cause me (and my life) to feel unstable. I moved to a new place a couple of weeks ago. Currents swirl. I went on a two-week road trip to catch up with friends and share about Austria. Bubbles pop. I look at the fu...

I never really knew what it was to live Until I lived for You, Lord. I never really knew what it was to love Until I was loved by You, Lord. I never really knew pain, suffering, and misery Until I turned away from You, Lord. I never really knew the joy of coming home Until I returned to You, Lord. And of all the things I thought I knew I knew nothing, nothing Until I knew You.

"I have no husband." ~ John 4:17 I've always wondered about the woman at the well. What was her life like? What was she feeling? How did she get to such a place? Was she weary from all of her burdens? Now that I have met her, none of my questions have a been answered. I was sitting at a table with 3 Muslim women (Laura, Sarah, and Fiona*) from 2 different countries. We tried to get to know one another through the little bits we knew of German and English. I had told Laura earlier that I was single, and she replied with a smile and a laugh, "Good!" She is married. Fiona asked if I was married, and I told her I wasn't. She responded with, "Then I will pray a husband for you! Every woman should be married." I let that comment slide. She then shared about her family throughout the conversation. To sum it up: 1 child with one husband, 6 children with the other husband, all of them are in her home country, she is in a new country and not sure if she wi...

Spoiler alert: This post will reveal the results of my time on Jeopardy! If you don't want to know, don't read on. The worst part of the show was at the very beginning when each contestant was announced. We had to simply stand there and smile at the camera while the announcer talked. It was only 15 seconds but it felt like 15 hours. The next 25ish minutes were a bit of a blur. I was in game mode and came to play and win. I was focused on the game board, the indicator lights, and Alex's voice. I didn't really pay attention to anything else. Rock and roll! ROUND 1 Categories: Curry Dishes, Looney Tunes Characters, The 1920s, National Labs, Bible Book Names, Complete the Proverb As the categories are revealed I am thinking: Curry--ok, Looney Tunes--definitely got this, 1920s-meh, National Labs--what is this category about? i'm not going to know anything, Bible Names--oh yeah! it's time seminary paid off, Proverb--this could go wither way. Sean as champion get...

It's the afternoon of 12 August and I am driving home from doing errands. The phone rings, but I don't recognize the number. Usually, I don't answer these types of calls, but my intuition told me to answer this one. It was one of the producers of Jeopardy, and he began the conversation by reviewing the info on my application. At the end he asked if everything was correct, and I mentioned that I would be moving in a month. Who do I contact in order to update my information? He said, "Well, you made the show! You're going to be on Jeopardy!" I let out a whoop of excitement. He told me the basics and then later emailed me a whole bunch of forms and more info. It was time to plan a trip to Los Angeles in a month. I now began hitting the Trivial Pursuit cards pretty hard and a few crossword puzzles too.  I flew in on Monday, 14 September, and got there close to 2. The beach was a car ride from the hotel, and my friend and I wanted to go out some place fun on Tue...

This post was originally written Monday, 14 September 2015. Confession: I hear voices inside my head. Sometimes they are quiet, sometimes loud, sometimes talking all at once, sometimes singing. I am in the midst of achieving a life dream, and the big day is tomorrow. As the day has approached, one voice has been whispering. A little here. A little there.Now whispering more and more as I think about tomorrow, and getting bolder and a little louder each time. This is what the voice says, "You can  win and succeed but you shouldn't. If you do you will be seen. People will look at you, scrutinize you, see your faults, and find you lacking, undeserving. Fail. It's easier." I am afraid of my own success. I am afraid of what that success will require, and I am afraid of the inevitable failure. I don't want to be seen in success because that might allow my failures to be seen as well. I am not perfect and never claimed to be, but neither do I want to be laid bare and ...

The audition was 2.5 hours long. There were 40 of us during this time slot and we were all in a room together at the beginning. There was a mix of men and women, and it seemed like people were in the 30-50 age bracket. A few of the producers came in and while one took attendance the others took polaroids of each of us. We were then divided into two groups and taken to different rooms. The audition portion was about to begin. First they explained a little how the show works.  Did you know that contestants cannot signal/ring in to answer until Alex has finished reading the answer and the signal indicator lights turn on? If you ring in too early, the system freezes you out for 1/4 of a second, which is plenty of time for someone else in the Jeopardy! world.  In order to get used to not answering too early we had a little practice. On a big screen at the front of the room a question would flash up, the producer would read it, but we could not raise our hands to answer un...

I am a trivia brainiac, and it has been a life dream of mine to appear on Jeopardy! (The exclamation point is part of the title--I'm not adding it just for fun.) I watched the show all the time as a kid, and I would read through Trivial Pursuit cards and take online trivia quizzes in my spare time, read websites that would give me tidbits of information. Clearly, I am known as a nerd to all my friends. Every year, Jeopardy! has an online test available to all adults in order to select show contestants. If you pass the test (and you are not told the results), you are then  eligible  to travel from the audition, and from the audition to the show. Last year, I participated in the online test but never heard anything back.  The online test is 50 questions from random categories. You don't have to answer in the form of a question, wrong answers are not counted against you, and spelling doesn't matter too much as long as it is close.  I took the test again in April,...

Last month, I wrote a post for Movement4Freedom, which was a fundraiser for My Refuge House. Check out my post below and then head over and check out the work My Refuge House does. A #movement4freedom Confession My Refuge House

I am content with my singleness. This hasn't always been the case and it may not always be the case, but it has been my attitude the past few months and one I am quite happy to have. Yes, I would like to be married one day and have a family, but for now I am happy with my life. It is full, it is unique, it is loved, and it has value. Significance and value is something I have longed struggled with. It is were I am most sensitive and nothing makes me angrier than to intimate that I am not valuable or significant. Today, I got angry. I had a coffee date with a friend scheduled. It has been hard for us to get together due to work and life, and we finally had a date and time nailed down. She backed out on short-notice...again. In our conversation of her apologizing and me saying maybe this really isn't just a good time for her, she throws the family card. You know, "Well, I have kids, it's summer time, and life is hard." I acknowledge that life is hard, and life liv...

It was rough day. The kids were pushing my buttons, I was pushing theirs, we had errands to run and swim lessons to make on time. I was tired, stressed and trying not to focus on the anxiety that was rising up about the weekend. While driving with music a little too loud to drown out the kids, I prayed, "God, if we could just get this all done with as little as frustration as possible, and make it all on time that would be so great. Amen." About a half mile later I realized that what I really prayed for and wanted not something as virtuous as patience, joy, or gratefulness but something far more selfish--convenience. I wanted God to push The Easy Button for my life. I didn't want to grow or see God's goodness in the midst of my little storm; I wanted comfort, laziness, convenience. Disgust with myself set in. That night I was do a skype interview with the director of My Refuge House, an organization that seeks to restore on life at a time by providing a safe house f...

Would we change how we live if we were forced to see what our past was really like? Would we change if we saw how it affects our present? Or if we saw what our future will become if the present does not change? Ebeneezer Scrooge has this chance in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol , first published in 1843. On Christmas Eve, Scrooge is visited by spirits in an effort to warn him to change his ways. The story is well known, has received multiple film adaptations, and is where the terms "scrooge" for a miser and "bah humbug" for grumpiness at Christmas originate. Scrooge is changed when he accepts not only the wrong choices he has made, but also the fact that he does not have to live that way anymore. He becomes free to be a better person. On a deeper level,  A Christmas Carol  is about how each person has the hope to change. We do not have to remain as we are. Christmas is about hope, the hope that all things will be as they should. It is about possibility. We...

Every time I hear Vince Guaraldi's music from A Charlie Brown Christmas  (1965), specifically "Linus and Lucy," I begin to do the dance. Sometimes the dance is just in my head, but sometimes other get to "enjoy" it. It is joyful and reminds you of the good and simple things of life. Disgusted with the materialism and consumerism he sees, Charlie Brown tries different ways to figure out the true meaning of Christmas. Spoiler alert: he finds it. At the time it was ground breaking for an animated special: it did not use a laugh track, real children voiced the characters, it had a blatant message, and executives did not want the Bible quoted. Charlie Brown is now a Christmas staple for many. If you have never seen this 25 minutes of greatness, go and rent it or find it online. The music is brilliant, and the story is poignant. I identify with Charlie Brown in so many ways. I am busy trying to do so much that I feel as though I do nothing meaningful. I want more, a...

Imagine if you had never heard the Christmas story in your whole life. How would you interpret it? What would you do if you were the wise men? The angel? Mary or Joseph?  The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson is a short children's story first published in 1972, and it answers these questions from a child's perspective. The book recounts how a church's Christmas pageant went from expecting to flop to being the greatest of all time. And it all begins when the worst children in town, the Herdmans, show up at Sunday school because they heard there was cake for refreshments every Sunday. The editorial review on Amazon states it this way:  The Herdmans—Ralph, Imogene, Leroy, Claude, Ollie, and Gladys—are the town bullies who steal and smoke cigars. When they show up for the church Christmas pageant try-outs, no one is able to discourage them from participating. To the protests of children who think they can do better, the Herdmans land the starring roles in the Chri...