Twangs

Life lately has been frustrating and a little hurtful. Relationships aren't going the way I expected. Partner development seems to be stalling. My physical and spiritual lives are fluctuating. Loneliness is increasing. Some of this is due to life in transition, and I understand that, but I knew there was something else to what was going on--especially in my relationships. That's when I remembered another part of the training at MTI--being twanged by expectations. The training at MTI wasn't just for the adults. Children had their own program and they were taught the same lessons we were but at an age-appropriate level. On a few occasions, the children would join us for an object lesson and we would learn together. This post is about one of those lessons.

Have you ever felt that jolt when your expectations didn't match up to reality? That is the twang of expectations. Picture your feelings as the nucleus of many factors orbiting on different axes around you: realty vs expectation, optimism vs. pessimism, high desire intensity (how much you want it) vs. low desire intensity, others' positive expectations vs others' negative expectations. The further apart the axes, the harder the twang on our feelings. The closer expectations are to reality, the lower the impact on reality. There are some factors that affect the twangs. For instance, we can insulate our feelings. Sometimes this is good, such as in the case of trauma, but most times it is not beneficial for when we insulate our selves from the twangs we also insulate ourselves from the joys. Also, we are not responsible for others' expectations as we are only responsible for our own reactions. We may be twanged by others but how we respond can cause harder twangs or lesser twangs. The goal is to have expectations as close to reality as possible so that when twangs occur they are not as harsh.

One of the many things I appreciated about the training at MTI is that not only did they teach us about a topic, but they also taught us what to do with the topic, how to take the next step if you will. Our being is impacted by our expectations, so this is an important topic to think about. What do you do when you've been twanged?
1. Identify the twang: Is it expectations vs reality? Others' expectations? Pessimism?
2. Ask questions: What is it about this expectation that bothers me? Why do/don't I really want this? What reality I am wanting/expecting?
3. Deal with the core issue: Is this affecting who I am? Are my expectations out of line? What could I be doing that I am not?

Lately, I have been experiencing twangs from expectations not matching reality. I can try to insulate myself from them, deal with them, or ignore them. Two of the options are *easy* and one is so very difficult. And scary. And tiring. And hard work. But so very worth it.




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