Adventurous Life

Journal entry dated 19 May 2010. Today I feel like a bird in a cage yearning to be free. I trap myself within rules, should dos, and ought to dos. I try to meet expectations, and all that happens is I die a little bit each time. Money is an issue. I am spending my own money on this trip with no guarantees I will ever get anything back. These are my savings for school, but I also have been saving for this trip. I want to be free, to enjoy the opportunities, to eat what I want and how ever much I want at meals without worrying about spending too much. My past financial spending failures and the voice of my father haunts me. As Marnie says, this is a once-in-a-lifetime trip--enjoy it. Chris says, it's only money. And I am trapped like a bird in a cage longing to be free. I want to live in freedom and grace. I want to stop beating myself up for the littlest thing. I want to live as God has intended. I want to live. Maybe that's why I enjoyed today so much. Desert and wilderness wit...

Journal entry dated 18 May. Today we went to many different tells and cities mentioned in the Old Testament.I guess what influenced me the most today was how brilliant people were back then. I recognize that this says more about my pride and the pride of my time. We think that we are so much smarter and know more than what people did back then. In some ways this is true, but the fault lies in that we think we are better than people back then. For instance, at Lachish they had a channel that served as a sewer taking the sewage out of the city. At Mareshah, they built their city under the top of the hill--actually inside the hill--because it would be cooler than out in the sun. Their engineers were brilliant! Their works have lasted thousands and thousands of years. It makes me wonder how long parts of our generation will last. My favorite part of today was looking for and finding potsherds at Lachish. There are centuries and millenia of history there, and it is starting (or has been) ri...

Journal entry dated 16 May 2010. Going to the Herodion helped me understand. It is at a strategic point, and I understand why Herod built a fortress there. From that vantage point one can watch the southern approaches to Jerusalem and even some of the movement in the east at Jericho, even though we couldn't see it today. The Herodion is high enough to see for miles away. I wonder what else we could have seen if the haze had not come. One thing the Mount of Olives impressed upon me was how small the country of Israel is. From there you could see Nebi Samwell and I imagine even the Herodion if we were on the other side or in a tower. All of Jerusalem, or most of it, could have been surveyed from up there. I realized that I read the Bible with an American perspective on space--everything is spread out with miles and miles between. Nothing of much importance is close together. The same cannot be said of Israel. I am sure that perspective will change as we move out of the Jerusalem area...

This entry is dated 15 May after touring the Central Benjamin Plateau. I think today was my favorite day so far. I was actually able to see and experience how geography has influenced history. The land determines where you live, how you live, and how life unfolds. Because of how wadis have cut and shaped the wilderness and because of the climate and lack of vegetation, the Judean Wilderness is not prime real estate. The placement of the wadis also determine travel. In Israel, because of the deep valleys and and ridges, sometimes the shortest distance between two points is not a straight line. Today I started falling in love with the land. I enjoyed standing on top of Nebi Samwell and seeing Jerusalem, the Dome of the Rock, the Mount of Olives, the Transjordan Plateau, and Tel Aviv in the distance. I enjoyed the drops and climbs in elevation, the green of the plants and trees and the brown of the rocks, the rocky terrain, and the broad, flat land. So much variation! Maybe this speaks mo...

This entry is dated 15 May. What a trip! So much has been seen and experienced. If I had to sum up Jerusalem, and even Israel for that matter, in one word it would be BARRIERS. There are so many barriers here. Walls between old city and new, between ethnic groups and language, men and women, clean and unclean. There are certain places for you to live depending upon your ethnicity or religion. Where you can pray at the Western Wall depends upon your gender. One group controls the Temple Mount, while another controls the land around it. Even at the Christian Church of the Holy Sepulcher there are barriers between the different Christian groups. Barriers over doctrine, practices, and territory--but no love or unity. All of these barriers has made my heart ache. It hurts when I hear group members denigrate Arabs or other Christian sects. There is so much pride, and I know I am guilty too. If we don't have love or unity for our own brothers and sisters, then what good is our faith? The ...

One of our assignments on the trip was to reflect upon what we were seeing. I do not particularly like journaling (although I see its benefits), and I do not like being told to journal. Since it was an assignment, I did it, and I can humbly say that I am grateful for this assignment. How else could I have recorded or responded to a trip that probably has changed my life? Below is my first journal entry followed by reflections I had today. I am almost done putting together my photos so those will be coming soon. Yesterday (11 May) Kevin and I went to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher where Christ was crucified and buried. Briefly = 10 minutes max, and I had my sunnis on. I say this because I didn't feel anything special about the place. Was it because I couldn't really see? Because we didn't have ea lot of time to explore and feel? Kevin says it was tiredness from jetlag. Probably it's a combination. It worries me a little. What if this trip doesn't change me? What if...

I have decided to revert back to my original title and description for this blog. It's not that I have overcome perfectionism but that this theme applies better to my whole life and I can write about anything under the heading of adventure. Struggling with perfectionism is an adventure. Growing in grace is an adventure. Relating my recent trip to Israel is an adventure. Being authentic and transparent is an adventure. So despite the name changes, the content of this blog has and will remain the same. Hopefully, I will not. It's time for change.