Empty Pages

 A few years ago I started consistently journaling. It wasn't something I normally enjoyed doing, but I found that if I added scrapbooking to it (tickets, programs, receipts, stickers, pictures, etc), then I actually enjoyed it more. Each year has its own journal, and I buy a new journal every December in anticipation of January. A lot goes into picking out the journal. It needs to look different than the previous year's journal and feel...good. Not just how it actually feels in my hands but also the feeling I get from the journal about the year ahead. What color or design is catching my eye? What will keep me coming back so that I write? Because of all that I put into my journals they need to have covers that can withstand travel and being thrown into a bag, the elastic band on the outside to keep it all together, sturdy binding, and paper thick to keep the glue from staining.* My journal has to be strong and sturdy to be able make it through the year. 

Today as I was considering my 2020 journal I realized that the year is almost over, yet almost half of the pages are still empty. What a fitting testament to Year 2020. The year of the unexpected, of flexibility, of realizing how little control over our lives we actually have. Those empty pages would have been filled with trips that I didn't get to go on, experiences that I didn't get to have, thoughts and feelings not present to process. Life seemed to be constantly cancelled. I realize that I could have written more, but writing what I ate or read during each day of the lockdown seemed like a waste of paper. Admittedly, part of me had hope that the year would return to normal by the end. While 2020 didn't return to 2019's normal, we have learned to redefine what normal is for us in these times. And it includes a lot of empty pages and being okay with that. 


*Moleskin journals, although more expensive, have yet to let me down. Do you have a journal brand recommendation? Write it in the comments.

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