Waiting
*Sigh* It seems that I have spent most of my life waiting. Waiting for my first tooth to fall out. Waiting for the bus. Waiting to have my first, real, true friend. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to be happy. Waiting to finally get to travel overseas. Waiting to arrive. Waiting to be noticed. Waiting to be invited. Waiting to love. Waiting to be loved. Waiting.
I am tired of waiting.
When it comes to being patient, I do well within the moment. I am patient in grocery checkout lines when I am waiting behind all those insane coupon people (you know who you are Mighty B). I am patient when postponing something I want to do for the sake of a child. I am patient waiting for my pizza to cool off after it comes out of the oven (okay, that one needs work). I am patient when I know the end of a situation will be soon. In short, I am patient when I am in control.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient." Patience is a modern translation of the idea "long-suffering"--to be of long-spirit but not lose heart. I now understand the idea of long-suffering. I feel it every day and struggle not to lose heart. It is waiting with heavy burdens.
If love is patient, then patience is love. In all honesty, I am not loving my Father because I am not patient with Him. I wait, but not with loving-kindness and trust. I wait with suffering and self-pity. I wait with the air of arrogance that if I was in control of my life, I could do things better. I prideful, self-centered, and...wrong.
I wait because I am asked to by my Father. I am not in control. I am not entitled to anything because I wait. I receive what He chooses to give. And if He chooses to withhold, I continue in faithfulness. He is the author and overseer of the universe. I am a complainy brat.
Dear heavenly Father ~ Please open my eyes to see the goodness you have surrounding me. Empower me to fix my eyes on Jesus. I submit wholly to Your plan and will for my life whatever that may be. You are my Lord and I am Your servant. In Jesus's name I pray--Amen.
So, here I am.
Waiting.
I am tired of waiting.
When it comes to being patient, I do well within the moment. I am patient in grocery checkout lines when I am waiting behind all those insane coupon people (you know who you are Mighty B). I am patient when postponing something I want to do for the sake of a child. I am patient waiting for my pizza to cool off after it comes out of the oven (okay, that one needs work). I am patient when I know the end of a situation will be soon. In short, I am patient when I am in control.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient." Patience is a modern translation of the idea "long-suffering"--to be of long-spirit but not lose heart. I now understand the idea of long-suffering. I feel it every day and struggle not to lose heart. It is waiting with heavy burdens.
If love is patient, then patience is love. In all honesty, I am not loving my Father because I am not patient with Him. I wait, but not with loving-kindness and trust. I wait with suffering and self-pity. I wait with the air of arrogance that if I was in control of my life, I could do things better. I prideful, self-centered, and...wrong.
I wait because I am asked to by my Father. I am not in control. I am not entitled to anything because I wait. I receive what He chooses to give. And if He chooses to withhold, I continue in faithfulness. He is the author and overseer of the universe. I am a complainy brat.
Dear heavenly Father ~ Please open my eyes to see the goodness you have surrounding me. Empower me to fix my eyes on Jesus. I submit wholly to Your plan and will for my life whatever that may be. You are my Lord and I am Your servant. In Jesus's name I pray--Amen.
So, here I am.
Waiting.
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