Love

Today, I learned a lifetime lesson.

Back story:
I am in love. And not just with one guy, but with three guys. No, I am not a hussie. I am in love with three little men, ages 4, 3, and 8 months, who happen to be the lights of my life and the apples of my eye. (Love will cause you to make weird analogies sometimes.) I'm not their mom, and they're not my kids, but I love love them just as deeply. I am their Beth, and they are my boys. I didn't know that I could love someone so deeply until I fell head over heels in love with my boys.

Rest of the Story:
C turned 4 on Monday. For the past few weeks the plan was to celebrate his birthday by riding the train to Ft. Worth, do something fun there, and ride the train back. The celebration would take most of the day. Whenever the party was mentioned in my presence, C would ask, "Will you come Beth?" I have said each time with the thought that I will make it work. Yes, it's at a difficult time in the semester, but I will make it work. I love him, and he is more important than any paper I have to write.

The day for the party came. Honestly, I was dreading it. I didn't have a lot of sleep the night before, I had been struggling with an allergy-related sore throat for the past 3 days, and the mound of schoolwork to do in the few remains of the semester was overwhelming. The logical part of me asked, "Is this wise to be gone all day? You are exhausted. Maybe you should stay home and rest instead of pushing through another busy day. You will probably regret this trip." But I love C, and I had made a promise to him. I wanted to go.

What else could I do? I prayed. Through exhaustion and increasing stress I turned to the Father, "God, please help me enjoy this day. Please help me be present for C, to not get too tired, to heal my ear and throat, and help me finish all the work I have to do. I am trusting You in this situation." This semester I have realized the importance of trusting God first. Trust should not be an after thought or a last resort, even though I often treat it as if it is. God cares for me and about me. Even though my plan does not always line up with His will, I can trust Him. After praying, I felt that He would honor my sacrifice of time out of the love I have for C.

It is the end of the day, and we had a blast. It was fun, C loved it, and I enjoyed myself too. My ear and throat cleared up midday and hasn't hurt since. I got a short nap on train on the way back. I made major headway on an assignment that is due soon. God's blessings rained upon me today. Does God always answer my prayers? No. Is He able to answer all my prayers? Yes. Why does He answer some and not others? Love. Out of His great love for us, He sacrificed His only Son so that we may be together. This isn't a cheap love but something great and inconceivable. His love is not one of addition but one of multiplication. It is His love that flows through me to C, B, and S. I love because He first loved me. I have known this truth for years and it still humbles me, still blows my mind.

I sign off tonight with some lyrics of a treasured song. This song played in mind as I wrote this post, and so I will share.

How great the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Comments

Mama P said…
I loved it! They love you with all their little hearts!
6:20 PM
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