A Different Way to Live: A Cambodia Flashback

One of the principal lessons I learned during my time in Cambodia is that the Gospel is not only for our future, but it also has relevancy and an impact on our lives today. Let me clarify. Most of the Gospel presentations I hear are focused on the person accepting Christ so that he will go to heaven when he dies. Many presentations even start with, “If you died today, do you know where you would go?” These presentations are not wrong, but they limit the Gospel to a future reality and do not provide a present hope for the many people who live in suffering, poverty, hard times, or pain today. What Christ has done for us on the cross does not only have importance for the future, but it also impacts and is relevant to our lives today. If we claim the hope of the Gospel, then we need to live in such a way that declares that hope. I know some of you may be saying, “This isn’t new, Beth. Our lives are supposed to be different and we are supposed to live by different principles since we are Christians.” I would agree. But, I often do not see Christians, myself included, living out the hope and promises of the Gospel, and this summer I experienced why it is necessary that we do so. Let me share about an encounter in Cambodia that will hopefully illustrate what I am trying to say.

One morning after my teammates had left, I went upstairs to their room to grab some supplies I needed for the day. I opened the door and there was Yah, one of the house helpers, cleaning the room with one of my teammate’s helmets on her head. She is young, and thinking she was just trying to have some fun while doing her job, I said nothing but went to get the supplies. Yah, on the other hand, immediately took the helmet off and came up to me apologizing, “Soam toe, soam toe, soam toe.” I replied with, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.” She continued speaking in Khmer (since she does not know any English) and pointing to the helmet. (Taking into consideration her facial expressions and tone of voice, I think she was saying that she was sorry for wearing it and would not do it again. I remember thinking, “I wish I had a dictionary right about now.”) It took quite a few minutes to get her to calm down and understand that I was not upset. I looked her in the eyes and told her, “I’m not going to tell anyone. You are not in trouble.” She started crying, hugging, and thanking me. “Aw kuhn! Aw kuhn! Aw kuhn!”

I was puzzled by this sudden display of emotion, very uncommon for Cambodians, when it hit me. This could be the first time Yah has ever experienced grace. See, in the Buddhist-Spiritist mix of religion to which Cambodians adhere, merit is very important. Doing good things now = a good life in the afterlife. Hardships and difficulty in the present life = doing evil in the past life. You receive what you have earned—there is no grace. I couldn’t communicate with Yah through words, but God transcended my inabilities to communicate the foundational principle of grace to this lost child. This is what I mean about living out the Gospel. Sometimes how we live speaks louder than words.

Blog Change

As you might have noticed, I have changed the name of my blog. For some time I have felt that this blog was egocentric and an attempt on my part to make myself important my reflecting through my life experiences. But my life isn't about me; it is all about the Triune God who chose me, saved me, and dwells within me. My focus is now to make Him greater with the result that I become less (John 3:30--a great verse).

But do not be misled by the new title. This blog will not be a place where I discuss the theological issues of Christian perfectionism, but it will be where I chronicle my struggles with being a perfectionist. By openly confessing, I seek transparency, integrity, accountability and not boastings of my "greatness." But do not worry if you enjoyed my previous posts. I will still continue to be a catalogue of my adventures because every aspect of life is an adventure with the proper perspective.

Cambodia Flashback

I was sitting in the cafe waiting for the internet to connect (which it wasn't) when the anxious feelings started to creep in. I wanted to leave this place and go somewhere more comfortable. Then I think and realize that this is culture stress. I took a few deep breaths and it was better.

Eating out or going for a drink (smoothie, juice, coffee, milkshake, etc) in another culture is an experience. Fast food places and cafes here are not like the ones in the US. Do I order first and then sit down or sit down first and then order? I wanted to get a piece of pizza for lunch at a place in the mall the other day, but I was unsure about how to answer these questions. Instead, I went to a place where I saw that I ordered first and then enjoyed a piece of pizza (crisis averted!).

There are two options in this situation. First, to turn away and not even try or second, to make the best attempt possible and chance embarrassment and failure. Option 2 is the best, but I must admit I occasionally choose option 1. Both written and spoken languages are very different here so it is not as though I could understand any signs or what other people said. I try to ask questions but many do not understand. I have learned that my frustrations are not as important as trying to demonstrate to the Cambodian people my attempts at partaking in their culture.

This is culture stress. It comes and goes, and most often comes upon you when you are least expecting it. I like to know what is going on, how to be "proper" in various situations, and not to be embarrass myself or offend anyone. This is not always possible, and sometimes failure leads to greater success and more lessons learned. "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~ 2 Co 12:9-10. Tough lessons indeed. But good. Yes, good.

The Perfect Visit

Today, I realized I never will have perfect teeth.

It all started a year ago with one cavity with several “suspicious spots” which turned into 7 cavities a week after that (with still many “suspicious spots”). I added mouth wash to my daily regimen of once per day brushing before bed. Six months later I was back at the dentist with a chipped tooth and my very own nightguard to wear for the rest of my life. Can you feel my joy? I began to brush and use mouth wash both mornings and evenings. Don’t worry, there is the occasional flossing tossed in there as well. My goal: to have The Perfect Dental Visit where they tell me, “Everything looks fabulous, your teeth are in great health, keep up the good work, see you in 6.”

Today, I was hopeful. I had been keeping up a good dental regimen and even increased the frequency of flossing (admittedly it would decrease until the next visit loomed on the horizon). I was confident that today was the day of The Perfect Visit. My hopes were high, and I was sure that I would receive the, “Everything looks fabulous, my teeth are in great health, keep up the good work, see you in six.” As I was getting ready I heard a Small Voice in the back of my head, “Beth, this is just another way you are seeking perfection. It’s not the way I want you to be.” In response I inwardly said, “Silly Voice, don’t You know I’m doing (almost) everything possible to have perfect teeth. Sure they will not be blindingly bright or without the big gap in the front, but they will be the healthiest teeth ever.” I turned off my ears to the Voice and continued focusing on the Visit.

Finally, the moment had arrived. The dentist and hygienist were looking over my x-rays. They were going to give me the final okay, except the okay didn’t come. Instead of a “Great job!” I got “You have 3 cavities.” Dang it. It seems all the brushing and mouth wash was not enough to stop some of those suspicious spots from developing into cavities (granted, some it had). While the dentist explained what was going on, that Voice came back and said,”See. I tried to tell you. I am not going to let you have perfect teeth. This is going to be a struggle for you, and I want you to grow. I want you to grow closer to Me.” “Okay, God,” I said. “I understand and I give back a piece of the idol of perfectionism that I have. Please help me recognize and give you more.”

Today, I realized and accepted I will never have perfect teeth.

Cambodia Stories: The Preschool

After looking at my blog, I realized that I did not post as much on this site as I thought I did. My apologies. In the next few weeks I will post various stories and experiences from my time in Cambodia.

THE PRESCHOOL

One of things I have enjoyed the most are the ministries that were not on "the original plan" for the trip. Lisa and I had expected to teach English in a village (didn't happen), work at a ministry that helps women leave the sex trade, teach a couple of weeks at an international school, and volunteer at an orphanage. But we have been involved in so much more. Our team teaches English to Vietnamese kids twice a week, teaches a kids' Sunday school at one of our churches, types up English books for a ministry that does theological education by extension, and participates in a friendship/English outreach once a week. We all have other ministries to suit our personal skills, gifts, and talents.

One of my favorite ministries is ABC-123 Preschool. This preschool was started by our pastor's wife as she felt God calling her to open an English school in order to reach out to non-Christians in the community. She did and hired Christian women to teach. Even though one of these ladies is a mother, they do not have any previous experience teaching at a school or experience with children. When the director heard about my experience, she invited me to come and help. I have spent almost a week there and have loved it! It is not like any childcare center back in the States; some of this is due to the culture and some to the lack of experience. It has been tough at times not to jump in and tell them how things should be done, but God has enabled me to step back, advise when asked, encourage when necessary, and to love on the kids and have fun. I even learned a fun, new song! Even though I only spend a few hours there, they are the best parts of my day. What can I say, I'm a preschooler trapped in an adult body. Sometimes.

My experiences there have shown me that ministry success can happen when people do not have the knowledge or experience. But success happens as long as God has called them to do that work and the people submit themselves to Him. These women love the Lord and live in obedience to Him. They do their best to love and teach the children. God has made the preschool a success. Most of the children speak English very well. They enjoy it there because they know they are safe and loved.

I am very grateful for this experience. It was a surprise and not even planned, but God's plans are bigger and way better than mine. The unexpected is not scary as long as I am trusting the One for whom nothing is unexpected. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"declares the LORD. ~ Isaiah 55:8.

Vietnamese Ministry

The following is my journal entry for 18 June.

Today is the Queen Mother's birthday, and in celebration the schools have a holiday so no Logos this morning. Instead, Lois p'own sray, Lisa and I went to Miss Kim's house. When there isn't school she invites her youth group over for the morning and lunch. They are all Vietnamese kids whose parents came to Phnom Penh some time ago. They tens to be some of the poorest here since the can't get papers for real work or citizenship since they are Vietnamese ethnicity. Because of the poverty the parents sometimes sell their daughters to brothels for money. After meeting and getting to know a few of these beautiful, young ladies it breaks my heart to think about what could be the reality of their future.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays we teach English at New Hope School which is just for the Vietnamese. The first 3 classes I was with the youth but now I am with kids who are about 5 years younger and are just learning English. So far, this has been my favorite ministry experience. I did not expect any exposure to Vietnamese when we were making plans for this trip. The kids are so fun and sweet. It is difficult to teach English to those who are just learning, but it is important. The goal of the English classes is to help the kids get into Cambodian public schools, which for the girls means staying out of the brothels. When a girl starts to miss a lot of school then the staff know or suspect she will likely be sold soon. I look at their beautiful faces and bright spirits and wonder who could ever think of selling them. I have never had to live in such poverty though. What would I do to provide for my family? This is where the rubber meets the road with trusting God.

The youth group we spent time with today is really like a house church. Many in their families do not know God. It was an enriching and rewarding experience. We taught them a few songs in English, listened while they had Bible quizzes and teaching, did an origami craft, and played a few games. The Vietnamese language is written in English letters with tonal marks. Some of the books of the Bible have the same names. Most of the kids had their own Bibles and you could tell they really read and used them. We ate lunch with them as well. They were very kind, welcoming, served us and each other. I, who feel like I have so much to give, could only receive.

Again, this has been one of my favorite ministry experiences. On Tuesday, Lisa and I were praying, and as I prayed for this ministry I just started crying as I thought about what might happen to some of the girls. While it is not unusual for me to cry, it is unusual for me to cry like that. I am getting a hint of helplessness--that I cannot help or protect these girls. I hope that none of them will be sold, especially while I am here.

Please pray for this ministry and these children! Our English classes are 5:30-6:30 Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you happen to be awake Tuesday/Thursday mornings 5:30-6:30 central time or 6:30-7:30 eastern time, please remember us!

Week One

We have been in the country a little over a week, returned to normal sleep patterns after jet lag, and already experienced some different ministries. It was a very hard first week. I experienced some culture stress as Cambodia is nothing like I imagined or expected. I will record more of my cultural observations and struggles on this blog in the next few days as I journal about them. I also had a hard week physically. Not with stomach problems as many might suppose, although my stomach is adjusting as well, but with a really bad heat rash that was all over my back, arms, and thighs. It has taken a few days but is now starting to clear up. Two main things I learned from this week are 1.) God is the only Sustainer and 2.) this trip is not going to be anything like my trip to Japan.

Week 2 has begun and everything looks brighter. Monday we started teaching summer school at Logos International School. I thought I was going to be teaching art for two weeks, but after a visit to the school last week I found out that I would also be teaching space/dinosaurs and English reading/skills. Fortunately, I had a few lesson plans for dinosaurs, the school had novelized versions of a Shakespeare play, and I can use the internet to find stuff to do for space. Flexibility is the name of the missions game! Anyways, class started Monday and I have 22 3rd and 4th graders. The boys are loving learning about dinosaurs, the girls are enjoying the art projects, and everyone is excited to read and act out a Shakespeare play. Who are these kids? Answer: blessings from God. Their teacher during the school year is serving as a helper in the class, and I am so thankful for her! She has helped me with ideas, finding supplies, making copies, and has really been encouraging. God is with me in this process!

Memorial of Genocide

Background: In 1975 Pol Pot and the communist party Khmer Rouge came to power. The face they put on for the world was one of an ideal communist society, but the truth behind the mask was one of terror, mistrust, and murder. For four years, Cambodia endured and struggled for survival. Help came in the form of an invasion by the Vietnamese army, and the world was made aware of the millions of deaths that had been ignored, denied, or unheard. It is estimated that approximately 2 million people died directly from the genocide and another million died from the forced famine. The world had seen genocide before but not one committed against a group's own people group. This is thirty years later....

On Tuesday, my second day here, we visited Tuol Sleng or S-21. This was a high school that the Khmer Rouge used as a torture center where people accused of committing crimes against the party would be taken before they were executed. Only 7 out of 17,000-20,000 people survived. The compound is surrounded by the city but isolated from its rhythm of life. They stand silent, but you can almost hear the despair when you look at the fences put up around the balconies to prevent people from committing suicide in order to escape the horror, when you see a tear running down the woman's cheek in a picture taken of her at the beginning of her confinement, when you read the list of rules for the prisoners which if violated resulted in death, when you look at cells 2 1/2 x 4 feet that housed two people, when you see the instruments of torture on display. Voices were silenced.

Our tour guide was very young at the time. She survived by fleeing to Vietnam with her mother and a sister. Her father, brother, and a sister did not survive. It was good to hear her story and some of the facts of the genocide from her. She was calm but there was a degree of despair. (How many times had she given this tour and had to remember what happened to her people and family?) Why did this happen? Why did other countries (US, China, Thailand) further it instead of stopping it? Why were so many of the Khmer Rouge allowed to go free?

The genocide silenced so many voices. What is the voice of Cambodia saying now? Will it be as silent as the buildings of S-21? Will it ever be heard with richness and fullness? The reality of genocide is hard to comprehend but it forms the backdrop of the mentality here. This is a country struggling to gain its footing after so much has been lost. This is Cambodia.